Bullies come in all shapes and sizes

If you’re one of those people who seem to attract bullies, join the club. I often joke that I’ve been bullied by ‘experts’. I used to wonder if I had a label tattooed on my forehead saying, ‘Kick Me’.

No more.

I read the book ‘When I say NO I feel guilty’ years ago and decided it would become my bible. I learned how to return shoddy goods (usually I got someone else to do that for me cos I was such a wimp). I put up with poor service; rude neighbours; obnoxious work colleagues and bosses who seemed to get off on humiliating me.

It took a while, but eventually I toughened up magnificently.

And then I got a call from a senior nurse who had heard me speak at a conference on ‘Dealing with Difficult people’. She asked if I could help her 400 care-workers scattered throughout the country who were being abused by patients, patient’s families, co workers and some managers.   Because these amazing people were scattered all over NZ and because the health sector are endlessly short of money, we decided to run a series of sessions via webinar.

I covered:

  • What to say
  • How to say it
  • When to say it
  • What to do if there is a strong reaction to you speaking up (and there will always be reactions)
  • What NOT to say and what NOT to do if speaking up would put a person in harm’s way

Because I was teaching these strategies via webinar (visual) and I would offer suggested ‘phrases’ the care workers could use, they asked if I could write the ‘phrases’ down for them. I did as they asked and because, once I started writing I found I couldn’t stop, the ‘phrases’ became my latest book:

‘Names Will Never Hurt Me’

How to deal with people who minimize you, ignore you, abuse you and bully you.

Because I love quotes, the book is full of them, and the one that stood out for me is this:

BLOWING OUT SOMEONE ELSE’S CANDLE, WON’T MAKE A BULLY’S CANDLE SHINE ANY BRIGHTER

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